“The Stone”

I have no where that I am accepted.
Even alone with only my thoughts there is nothing but self-doubt and loneliness.
My heart is heavy within my chest.
Before it was if it never existed.
Merely a mechanism.
Pushing blood through my body.
I ignored it.

Now my heart is heavy.
It aches for what it lost.
For what it does not have.
For what it wants and what it needs.

It lies in the middle of my chest just as a stone on the bottom of a lake.
Holding me down in the cold and wet darkness of the winter water.
That water surrounds me.
And the darkness overwhelms me.
I no longer know where I end and it begins.

I look out on to the bottom of the lake.
The dirt floor goes on past where I can see.
Despair-like the floor-surrounds me.
It encompasses me to the point where I have no hope.

The water around and above me is as my depression, my despair.
It pushes down upon me with such force that I cannot move.
I sit on the bottom hoping the water will crush me.
That I will dissolve into the water.
And it will sweep me away, as if I’ve never been.

Tuesday October 23rd, 2007