“A Man”

I have become what I thought I would not.
What I never expected has come to be.
What I never wanted is what I’ve become.
Cold, distant, quiet, unfeeling, alone.
That is what I appear to be on the outside.
Like my father and his before him.
A man.

Growing up I would say to myself that I would not become him.
I would not be like him.
I would be different.
But my years have flown bye.
And whether it has been the experience, the difficulties.
The failures or the solitude.
I have become him.

The exterior appears calm, even cold.
I appear unfeeling and uncaring.
Oblivious or uninterested in others and in the world.

My interior is alive!
Coursing with energy.
My brain is active.
Thinking of all the possibilities.
My heart wanting to be hopeful.
Open to what could be.

But when we meet.
When my interior meets the exterior.
It is speechless.
It looks as it as if it were just a shell.
That’s not who I am.
That’s not what I want others to see or to think of me.
But it is too late.
I have become him.
A man.

Tuesday October 23rd, 2007